My first appointment with the surgeon will be on 24/7/2011. Im excited and anxious but Im also proud of myself.

Im proud because im finally doing something for me, im finally investing time, effort & money on me and not on someone else.

Being the softy of the family means Im always running around for mum & dad who dont speak much English, im the legal guardian of my 2 nephews who are from a broken down home, it also means im helping a friend who just moved to Australia with no friends, money and is going through post natal depression. Not to mention I run this household & 3 kids on my own while my husband works fulltime as a truck driver & runs his cafe business during the night.

This year things are changing for the sucker softy me – Im getting my underbite corrected which is why I have braces on for another year. Im also going to be sleeved hopefully in September this year.

I first started dieting when I was 12, I was recommended to start Herbalife – I dont know how it is now but back then I was taking tablets, drinking a black disgusting powder mixed with orange juice and revolting Vanilla milkshake.

I then started Jenny Craig at age 14, I would never forget how humiliated I felt carrying 5 or 6 plastic bags marked “Jenny Craig ” on Saturday mornings.

I then started forcing myself to throw up after each meal at 15 but that didnt last too long as I started going through depression and became suicidal which is when my parents noticed and helped me through a real tough time.

At 17 I met Hubby who made me realise Im a beautiful, young &  a HEALTHY woman and showed me how to accept myself.

At 21 I was diagnosed with PCOS & was told to lose weight or never be able to naturally conceive a child – so I signed up with Sureslim.

I hated the weighing and measuring that was involved with Sureslim. I hated only eating protein and not feeling so good by the end of the day. After spending $800 & losing about 5 kilos I quit Sureslim and shortly after was pregnant that resulted in my first miscarriage.

7 years, 2 miscarriages & 3 healthy babies later I had to lose weight for my brothers wedding. A friend recommended me to start Senovera tablets to suppress my appetite.

Senovera did suppress my appetite, but I noticed I started skipping all meals and surviving only on the 2 slices of toast that I had in the morning. It also started giving me tummy cramps, excess sweating, and finally I experienced my first mini anxiety attack.

I lost 15 kilos within 2 months, I looked great but I started fearing the side affects and stopped Senovera and now im 20 kilos heavier, hate the way I feel & look.

This is all going to change for once and for all when I have my gastric sleeve surgery in September, Deep down I fear it wont solve my emotional eating nor will it help me lose weight.

Its like everything has a side affect even if its 1 in a million, when I think about myself skinny I feel like that 1 in a million side affect will be me.

I cant imagine myself skinny, nor can I believe its going to work but as a promise to myself and as rewarding myself for a lifetime of dieting, tears & failing, I will be sleeved this year.

Hopefully I havent confused anyone with my ramblings as Im typing this post out of emotions, im wiping a tear as I  reveal abit more of myself.

Would love to hear about others who have an emotional eating problem or who have cured their eating habits.